Friday, February 10, 2006

Solving the Dakota Fanning Mystery

Some people have arrived at this little blog following a google search for Dakota Fanning, and were confused to find the previous blog entry entitled "I read Vanity Fair for the Articles". Was this just a strange coincidence? Like all things in our little circle of life, there is inevitably a connection.

First, a little back-story about the Vanity Fair picture taken by Annie Leibovitz. You may have wondered, why is there some random dude on the cover? Doesn't a third movie star exist in all of Hollywood? The answer may surprise you. Yes, there are more then two movie stars in Hollywood. The guy in the suit is "fashion superstar" Tom Ford, the issue's guest art director, who offers an explanation that tries to quash the reaction that he is simply a narcissistic douche.

"Three girls in a bed is a bedful of girls, but two girls in a bed are lesbians."

Sounds pretty airtight. I heard that old adage so many times growing up, I thought it was my family motto.

But wait, why not go for a "bedful of girls"?

Rumors have circulated that Rachel McAdams, the Canadian, was going to be the third girl in the photo. Ford even took a hand in spreading the rumor, telling Good Morning America that, "She did want to do it, and then when she was on the set I think she felt uncomfortable, and I didn't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable." Come on, Ford's bizarre cover seduction pose proves he has no problem making millions of people looking at Vanity Fair feel uncomfortable.

Tom Ford doth protest too much. What is he covering up? And what does this all have to do with Dakota Fanning?

The original title for the previous blog post was, "Thankfully Dakota Fanning had a scheduling conflict." I, on behalf of the rest of the staff at "All Things Goldberg", wanted to go on record that we are thankful that the busy schedule of the young starlet prevented her from being the third actress on the cover. This position may be unpopular, but we at "All Things Goldberg" are happy to take the moral high ground. We believe that some people are simply too young to appear on such a racy cover.

"Thankfully Dakota Fanning had a scheduling conflict" was changed to "I read Vanity Fair for the Articles", for there was an initial surge of bloggers who read the post and were making a mental picture of Dakota Fanning on the cover in place of Tom Ford. The post was simply intended to spread the truth about the cover and counter Tom Ford's lies. But even after changing the title and reposting the blog, there was a phantom trace left on the internet that allowed googlers to search for Dakota Fanning and be led to the cover post.

For the record, it was never the intention of this blog to have visitors imagine Dakota Fanning posing on the cover of Vanity Fair with Scarlett Johannson and Keira Knightley.


Blogger Andrew said...

Steven Spielberg's lawyers have been demanding an apology from comedienne Kathy Griffin for joke about Dakota Fanning being in rehab...

...who knows what will happen if they do a Google search and end up here.

11:54 PM  

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